If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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