you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
