I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
