I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
