I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
