OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
