Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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