I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
