He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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