names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize