You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
