You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drake has all the answers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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