I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
