the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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