No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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