You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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