dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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