I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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