I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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