God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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