His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
