I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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