Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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