If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize