You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
