I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
