Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
