I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
