oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
