You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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