these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
