Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
