Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
