We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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