"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
not ubering you a puppy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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