I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
