Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
