i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dear god my vagina.
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