so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
