So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
