whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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