Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize