don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
