god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
