You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
