Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
