I cockslap morals
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
