if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize