You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
