You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
