Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
