I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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