i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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