dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
