Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't turn off my feet"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
