K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
