the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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