I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize