Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
