the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
