First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
