I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You don't make any sense
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