i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
