Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
