and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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