put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
